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Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Da Main Event
Ever since Arnold used to compete himself in the Mr. World competition in Columbus, Vets Memorial has been the only venue for this event, even while most other events have moved to the Convention Center or Nationwide Arena. This is a good thing because the auditorium is small enough that every seat is good, even mine which is in the very back row of the balcony, or as I like to think of it, atop Crom's Mountain! Plus, everyone is allowed to use still and video cameras even though a company makes and sells a DVD of the event. My observations this year as compared to past times I’ve gone are that I think they do things in a different order now, and it moves along a little quicker. They do a flashy intro where all the bodybuilders come out in front of the cool stage design, and then go right into the individual posing routines. The announcer is the same guy I’ve always seen do it, he introduces each competitor and has some funny quips like, “I was going to tell him he exited the stage the wrong way, but that’s just not something you say to this guy!”

Here are this year's competitors and the cool lavish stage design. Reminds me of those little muscle-men toys from the 80s.

Separated at birth-- Classic emcee Lonnie Teper and actor Roy Brocksmith who plays Dr. Edgemar from Total Recall!

"In the end, you'll be lobotomized!"

This guy had one of the more entertaining posing routines. It's all about confidence and looking like he's enjoying himself.

The posing routines break down into these stages of presentation:
1. Start out with Terminator or Conan theme to make dramatic entrance
2. Break into either another epic movie theme like Lord of the Rings, a bass-thumping recently popular hip-hop tune, a slow-jam R&B tune (to show their sensitive side I guess), or a hard rock staple from someone like AC/DC.
3. Hit poses in time with the music and usually end the routine suddenly and awkwardly.

What I really notice this year is that there are only a couple routines that actually gets the crowd to respond with anything more than a smattering of applause, most just fall flat. The ones that are good are the ones where it looks like the guy is actually enjoying and getting into the performance aspect of it, not just going through the motions. There are a couple guys who are enormously huge and get some attention for that, but thankfully it is a more moderately large guy who has better refinement and definition that ends up winning 1st place.

Anyway, enough about the muscle-heads, where’s Arnold? He says surprisingly little through the course of the evening, it is mostly to come out and congratulate the winners. He has a couple one-liners, like when he speaks with the 1st place guy Victor Martinez who is bald: “You got your inspiration from Britney Spears!” and then he quizzes Victor on spelIing Schwarzenegger, but lets him off the hook. The Lifetime Achievement award this year goes to Cory Everson. This lady did a lot for female bodybuilding and fitness in the 80s and 90s, and she gives an outstanding speech. She is humble but grateful to Arnold and very funny too. Her best line is how she tells her kids how their mom used to be famous and hot, then someone in the audience yells "You're still hot!" Arnold's longest speech is about six minutes, with lots of enthusiastic reactions to the weekends' events and talking about how big it has become. I love how he refers to it as "The Arnold's Classic" and always mentions the guys from the Chiropractors' Convention, who this year gave an award to Reg Park, one of Arnold's idols.

"Yes, this was the most fantastic Arnold's Classic ever. I am happy to say that my great fan The Gillinator crushed all competitors in the Arnold Movie Trivia Competition and Spelling Bee. The winning word was K-U-A-T-O."

Cory Everson wins what looks like a fancy cake platter for the lifetime achievement.

Arnold yuks it up with the big winner Victor Martinez. Can't spell my name? No trophy for you!

Here's some shots of Arnold using his cane since his leg is still recovering from his skiing accident over Christmas. He didn't rely on it too much though and handed it off at times.

That was about it. They have their usual “entertainment” act which is a guy who can balance himself all kinds of weird ways on top of a stick. Yeah, whatever. All-in-all there are some good moments, but not nearly enough Arnold for my taste, since it is after all the ARNOLD Classic. They leave the strongman finals for last, but I leave because I am pretty sure that Arnold’s involvement is done, if he would even “stick around” for the rest at all. I do one lap around the back of the building just to see if Arnold was moving out, but no, just a bunch of security guys guarding the fleet of buses and SUVs. I think about asking for Roger Bir, the security guy that Randy Jennings at TAFs has interviewed before, but they don’t look to be in a chit-chat mood and probably want to chase me out, so I just go back to my van. I’d have to rest up for what would my big chance to speak to Arnold himself on Sunday, The Seminar! You won't want to miss it in Part IV!